With over 3 billion webpages of porn today, an exponential rise from 2.3 billion in 2018, such sites receive more monthly traffic than Netflix and Amazon combined. The growth was largely driven by technological advancements, including high-speed internet and smartphones. 42% of men watch porn weekly; over half, monthly, and while women watch less porn, the numbers are increasing. Younger people show higher usage, with about 40% of Gen Z and 36% of millennials watching porn. These were just some numbers Jeffrey shared, noting the spillover of a hypersexualized culture into social media through trends such as “pornified self-representations,” “sextortion schemes” largely targeted at teens, and deepfake sexual content scandals.
He has seen how porn’s effects on individuals mirror that of drug addiction, due to similar impacts on brain chemistry. Other effects include mental health issues of depression and anxiety, altered sexual tastes leading to deviant behaviours like voyeurism, increased tolerance requiring more extreme content for stimulation, sometimes escalating to acceptance of violence against women and physical medical conditions such as erectile dysfunction. All these often lead to cycles of shame and guilt that fuel further porn consumption.
Porn also affects relationships as users are less likely to marry or maintain healthy companionships, and it leads to unrealistic expectations and decreased satisfaction with partners. Infidelity increases by about 300%, and divorce rates also jump. It is increasingly recognised that porn users’ partners may experience “betrayal trauma,” similar to victims of infidelity.
On a wider scale, Jeffrey touched on the rise in youth sex crimes linked to early exposure – Singapore saw a 30% increase from 2022-2023. More disturbingly, child-on-child sexual abuse cases are on the rise. Given porn’s ability to significantly impact the brain, there are deep concerns about early exposure, with more watching porn as early as 9-10 years old. There have also been teenage suicides due to “sextortion” and deepfakes, and the normalisation of violence against women perpetuates harmful myths on consent.
Jakin then shared how he had first stumbled upon porn at 9, while researching on an unrelated topic for schoolwork. Despite his parents having educated him about sex, porn, and its effects, he could not escape its pull. His addiction escalated with access to smartphones, but so did his isolation, depression, and lack of motivation. Numerous attempts to stay clear failed, including joining a recovery group that his parents helped to set up. The cycles of shame and addiction continued, leading to hopelessness and despair.
It was only when a close friend reached out and offered support, that things took an upward turn. They built structures of accountability, including tracking habits and brutal honesty in sharing on how they had progressed (or regressed). Others joined the duo, and found companionship in other areas of life beyond their fight against porn addiction. This sharing of lives, Jakin said, was what really mattered.
Ariel agreed, and added that while pornography was often seen as a male issue, females also struggled – as she and some friends did. She had her own journey of overcoming addiction and the associated shame, with breakthrough coming as she opened up to trusted family and friends who supported her unconditionally.
The conversations touched on how porn narratives have shifted over time. While once universally condemned, there are now exceptions to porn consumption i.e. ethical porn, and even narratives of female empowerment. This normalisation raised concerns, including the hyper-sexualisation of culture and its impact on the younger generation. Could porn ever be ethical? Can you watch porn without objectifying another human? Where do we draw the line?
Yet another line of conversation was that some groups of young men were also actively renouncing porn consumption in a bid to reclaim control over their more carnal desires. Others weighed in on how it was important to make safe spaces for people to seek help, and the need for context-specific approaches. “Addiction occurs in isolation, but recovery happens in community,” agreed Jeffrey, who emphasised that supportive communities and open communication could go a long way in overcoming addiction.
We came away with the following practical notes:
- Community support: Healing happens in communities.
- Education matters: Early conversations about sexuality within families can shape healthier attitudes but must be accompanied with creating safe spaces and getting practical help with addiction. There also needs to be an urgency in addressing porn addiction early, as youths are often exposed to porn at their most vulnerable stages of development.
- Accountability structures: Tools like screentime tracking or peer accountability groups can help individuals break addictive cycles.
- Holistic recovery models: Addressing different aspects – biological, psychological, social, and spiritual aspects – can lead to deeper healing. “Spiritual” aspects relating to one’s goals, purposes, and meaning in life may help individuals dream of a future without addiction.
- Professional recognition: Mental health professionals need to recognize porn addiction as a significant issue to be addressed.
You do not have to struggle with pornography, or its effects on yourself or your loved ones, alone. With the above recovery models, many have overcome similar battles with addiction. Trained counsellors are ready to offer help, and a listening ear at Indigo & Co: https://www.indigo-co.org/
